simplicity is love (:

so much loves.

2011-05-30T02:30:00.005+08:00

hey love,

right this moment, i'd like to think we can go on like this forever.

for once, i wasn't afraid of the future,

and i see you right there with me.

(how would it be if you wouldn't going to be there?!)

thankyou for coming into my life,

and being so amazing (no, wayyyyy more than amazing!)

spamming amount of hugs & kisses,

your girl (:

2011-03-03T02:06:00.002+08:00

it's been so darn long since i have last blogged or even step in here.

life's been busy in stirling,

with work and project every week.

i feel like i dont have time for myself,

and i miss those times when i get to lock myself up in the room.

2011 may have started rough,

but im glad i met a lot of nice people (:

people i love so damn much right now,

who has been there for me, a lot.

but sometimes, somehow,

i still miss having a special someone,

that will be there, just for me.

it's late nights like this, that keeps you thinking.

HEY SHORTIE, IT'S YA BIRTHDAY

2010-11-19T00:14:00.003+08:00

just how long have i not blogged?

life's pretty mundane right now.

it's just travelling between school and home,

i dont have mood for anything more than that.

besides, getting home everyday is pretty much a challenge (all the weird people i meet on my way home.)

birthday was rather quiet this year,

i even forgot about it!

(despite the celebrations)

thanks for all the wishes (though this is reeeeeally late!)

the early wishes:

qingfu / shimin

the lovers (on the day itself):

benjamintay / caizhen / fiona / serrene / janicechua / andywei / davelim / yufang / shawnting / jolenelee / ronald / shuxian / kimngoh / chengsiong / ivanzheng / arnold / lucia / chinwee / joleneyap / jamesli / sharanyaa / bala / eugenechan / ziqe / dominic / jolynn / tanweihong / huishan / cristofer / jefflau / ryanchow / hwele / gladys / chiahsin / kit / leezhiwei / seanlee / melvin / chowweiling / gideon / caroline / chewhow / junyao / zhihe / junyan / hongwei / marvin / jasontoh / weiheng / rina / sookhan / edward / mohdrudiawan / benjaminni / guanyu / tsehaw / rachael / weili / simin / steven / anisa / hinhan / wendychua / itin / jasmine / nadzirah / charmaine / naseem / desmondkoh / evelynchong / alethea / cindytan / hsienwen / eliseus / cherylphua / eileenang / amy / diane / debbie / chiouling / timothy / jane / vihasini / jennytan / aisvarya / samathathen / jeffreyquek / dingren / danielle / lizhiwei / soomay / kellylau / klifferd / tohxinying / jasonlim / aniszah / genevieve / liaojunjie / hsunhao / joseph / darrenlim / boonchin / tracy / jenny / parthiban / yaode / ezzati / yichou / vishal / chloelim / vera / darrenng / bentan /beishan / chuanyao / wendyoan / ledi / admund / tanweiling / nicole / jamesong / khrisha / matherine / nicholaslim / chunyang / sokwan / joshuarodrigues / julie / shixuan / edisonang / kuohua / xuli / seraphina / guankai / yikjiun / pingshen / lam / chekmeng / lingli / kaiming / yauming / raymond / narelle / livia

the never too late:

shunli / hanrong / yixi

i love all of you to bits [but of course some more than the others, hahahah!]

sorry for the surnames & all, but some people just have the same names,

and i dont wanna leave anyone out :D

thanks to all that i dont know your name or i failed to receive,

i love you the same (: (: (:

where's my ______?

2010-10-17T21:26:00.001+08:00

my birthday this year,

falls in the middle of a week.

what's more?

i have class 9 to 6pm ):

what sad news!

hey loved ones,

meet ups on 1st nov - 7th nov (:

SOON!

complexity

2010-09-21T21:57:00.003+08:00

how i just wish humans are easier to understand.
why are there so much implied terms and things beyond the surface?
like you can never really understand what's going on.

please just come clean.
im not the people you know,
i don't play mind f**king games.

YOU + ME = LOVE!

2010-09-16T22:50:00.004+08:00

it's been soooo longgg since i've last blogged!
so you know, i have been really busy ):

school has started, and it's seriously pure madness.
let's see, i have 3 weeks to complete 1 module,
1st week is fully full day lecture,
2nd and sometimes 3rd week are fully full day seminars (tutorials)
then it'll be a new module all over again!

also, i have been at flea last long weekend.
and one more coming up this weekend!
please let us make money :D:D:D

but all the uncertainties i've been feeling lately,
the stress, worries & whatever not,
are not that important now(:
thanks to all the loves!
livia, xuli, jolene, charmaine (oh! and your boyf, who brought lots of laughters!)
klifferd (with spamming amount of smiles), ronald, qingfu

aiyah, i love you to bits!
and you know it well(:
HAHAHAH.

dosages of happiness, love and much more!

2010-08-21T13:59:00.008+08:00

so it has been more than a month of awesome-ness,
if there's even such a word(:

warning: outdated photos heavy!

CHARMAINE'S BIRTHDAY DINNER @ 8JUL10.
with much thanks to jerrold & guankai for making our transportation so much easier (y)

i like to record the attendees for each event:
charmaine, jolene, xuli, jerrold, wendy, guankai, nicholas & leonardi

and jolene for choosing such awesome place for dining!

not forgetting nicholas who chose the sinful but fab cake :D

XULI'S BIRTHDAY DINNER @ 26JUL10.
at a thai eating place for steamboat (:

xuli, charmaine, jolene, jerrold, wendy, nicholas, guankai & bala.

with bala's choice of cake, i still feel my fat today.

LIVIA DEAREST'S SINGAPORE VISIT @ 6-8AUG10.

dayONE:
charmaine's superb recommendation to purvis st's chicken rice(:

livia & charmaine.

i can only be so darn happy with livia around <3
and supper at dempsey hill,
oh yes! much love to nicholas that picked us up one by one at our individual locations then sending us back :D

livia, charmaine, nicholas & leonardi.

dayTWO:
nicholas' suggestion to old airport road for all livia's deeply missed local food (y)

livia, nicholas, jerrold, leonardi, eliseus

shopping and chill out like some taitais

livia, charmaine, xuli, jerrold, nicholas, leonardi

dinner with livia's parents @ mushroom pot
heaps of love for her parents' treat,
you guys, the food is so darn awesome!
and our boys are gentlemen now (:

dayTHREE:
sending my love off.

i figured out i need a shot of her backview cos that's my last sight of her everytime after sending her off.

livia, xuli, charmaine, junjie, jerrold, nicholas and leonardi.

SUPPERCLUB FLEA @ 14AUG10.
truckloads of love to nicholas for being our awesome kind boy.

nicholas, charmaine, xuli, jolene, jerrold, wendy

i'm ALWAYS happy when i'm with you people.

i don't need to share my problems,
don't need to do anything at all,
and i'm already happy(:

it's this kind of friends,
when you don't need to talk everyday,
but when you do,
all the walls around you come down.
we don't have to say anything,
but we wouldn't end up awkward.

LOVE.

hey you, love.

2010-08-10T19:46:00.002+08:00

it's not anything significant.

i don't love you like that,
but i probably love the way you are.
and i cannot deny the fact,
that i have been thinking of you (:

when there's no need for words.

2010-07-09T10:04:00.002+08:00

back at work, feeling reeeeeally tired.
but i guess, it's all worth it.
met the lovelies for charmaine's post birthday celebration @ queintins(:
then tau huay @ rochor for supper.
(charmaine, jolene, xuli, wendy, jerrold, guankai, nicholas & leonardi)
& thanks to guankai, jerrold & wendy,
we get to travel all over singapore in cars :D

it has been rocky couple of months for me,
& i am really glad that at my worst moment,
you awesome people were there.
though i am not genuinely happy inside out,
but i had a wonderful time sharing the smiles & laughters for that 5 hours or so.
which meant 5 hours less sadness in life(:

also thanks to those that came down for lunch with me during my working days,
& i hope, more to come.

find my smile back, will you?

FXXK LIFE

2010-06-24T17:11:00.001+08:00

if i were to commit suicide,
it'll not be for anyone else,
but myself.

simply because i want to.

turn me anorexic, please.

2010-06-19T21:51:00.004+08:00

i believe i might have gain a lot of weight today!
it's like i'm on eating spree or something, which is really crazy.

tomorrow's daddy's day but the restaurant was fully booked,
so we had ours today!
lunch buffet at a restaurant which was totally awesome.
so i had my share on abalone, shark's fin soup, crayfish, scallop, prawns, mussels, clams & so much more.
out of the 40 dishes available (excluding the desserts),
we had 21.

I AM NOT KIDDING.
21 dishes plus all the desserts, omgggg.
we spent 3 full hours on eating,
sheesh.

& no, i am not naming the place,
i'm not paid to advertise.

i think i may need to go hungry for a week.

strike a pose.

2010-06-16T20:30:00.002+08:00

i skipped work today because i wasnt feeling really well.
both physically & mentally.
life just isnt at its best for me right this moment,
so i feel that i need some time away.

i was on facebook just now & i received notifications from this application that i forgotten i had,
it's called are you interested, which is a friend making application apparently.
dont ask me, i have no idea why i had it & why it wasnt removed.
but it was fun going through it again!
well at least i had fun laughing at it.

some tips for the guys on AYI that wanted to know more girls badly:

#1: use your own photo!
(need i to further explain this point, really? celebrities, cartoons or even scenery, are you kidding me?)

#2: no topless photo please.
(who cares if you hit the gym every other day! thats not a good first impression.)

#3: no photo with girlfriend or even worse, your wife.
(in the first place, why are you trying to know more girls through a platform like this?)

#4: use your photo & only your photo.
(i know many guys out there that take a photo with someone that look wayyyy better, just to confuse others a little. that's lame.)

#5: no self shot through the mirror.
(okay, not very impressed with girls who do that. and guys?)

i wonder how many friends people can make with this kind of application?
it's amaaaazing how many people fall into the categories mentioned above.
not going to criticise it totally,
at least it gave me a good laugh (:

he has no balls, it's proven.

2010-06-16T15:13:00.002+08:00

i have gotten back both of my accounts, so don't ask me to **** off, thanks!
HA.

I HAVE BEEN HACKED BY A BALL-LESS MOFO.

2010-06-14T13:17:00.003+08:00

my live messenger & facebook are hacked,
& i am unable to log in to them right now.
so if anyone talks to you with either accounts, tell him/her to **** off for me (:

i have a temporary messenger account for now,
text me on my phone to find out, thanks.

another trauma, & so what?

2010-05-15T21:00:00.005+08:00

i know, i know.
i haven't been blogging for at least a month now.
& all my concerned friends are asking & pushing me to start blogging again.
but i don't really know where to start,
but i guess this can be a fresh start.

my facebook status on monday must have got a few friends worried.
am really sorry, but i am getting slightly better.
i must say, it's like a freak accident or something.
i was bending over, just a little.
& suddenly my spine/tailbone decides to snap, like a broken doll,
then i feel myself drop further with this extremely sharp pain.

when i got up standing straight, i was unable to bend anymore,
not to mention sit.
i was only able to stand & walk around a little.
that moment was so devastating, because i was unable to do anything at all.
like i wanted to pick something up that was just in front of me,
but it felt like i was attempting to pluck a star out from the sky.
it was that impossible.
it made me feel really useless on planet earth, you have no idea.

i don't know why, but i tend to experience events/incidents that most people do not get to.
maybe whoever up in the heaven wants me to experience the different things in life.
i don't know the purpose, but it surely made me more empathetic,
i put myself more in others' shoes.
but, the only thing i still question is,
will people do the same?
or will i be the one that just keep giving?

this isn't some drama you see where the lead role tells you,
you don't measure the amount you give & take.
of course i don't have a specific measurement for what's appropriate,
however, you can't help but to feel this way,
when the proportion is like heaven & earth.

before i end this post,
don't treat this as another negative thought or emo post.
because i actually think im quite an optimistic person,
considering the things i have gone through & the state i am in right now.

more than often i feel rather good hitting rock bottom in life,
because life can only gets better,
there's no way you can go even further with bad luck.

(:

& oh yes,
thanks to klifferd, ronald, qingfu, john, livia, donal, jacky, yixi & a few others that were here with me.
<3

if love really exist.

2010-04-20T16:00:00.002+08:00

i thought there was still something lingering.
i really thought i missed you,
and those memories i still hold close.

but after i saw you again,
hell i was wrong.
yes i do miss, but not you.
i miss the feeling of being in love with someone.

-

this world is so strange.
or maybe it's just the people around me.
but it's either lovers or strangers,
there's no in between.
can't there be love between friends?

because i have experienced it way too many times.
when they love you (like they want you as a girlfriend),
they would do anything, anything in the world, for you.
but when it's clearly over,
they'll only be strangers.

you mean you cannot be nice to your friends?
you cannot show some love, care & concern to friends?
or is the world too insensitive for that?

maybe that's why MJ was too weird and strange to most people,
because he really LOVES, like genuinely, love everyone & everything.
but it's just something too different from what people are used to.

i need more love than just the one from a boyfriend.
& what the heck is a boyfriend?
he's just my bestfriend that i will be able to depend on ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.
but if there's no loving among friends (that much loving),
where are you going to find your true bestfriend?

i have not moved.

2010-04-03T16:05:00.003+08:00

not that i have moved,
but i have one at http://loshannve.tumblr.com/

it's just the fact that i can REBLOG,
and you know how lazy i am.
i dont wish to write long long post telling people how i feel,
which may not really matter to many.
so you'll see me there, yes?

nevertheless,
this blog will STILL be alive.
i will still blog when i feel there's a need to say more.

(:

my journey.

2010-03-04T23:50:00.003+08:00

so what a long day!
i was out the entire day.
first to the career & education fair @ suntec,
then for some shopping.
man, it was really tiring listening out to all those "recruitment executives" introduce the courses.

i was bored when i got home awhile ago.
so i went ahead to sort out some stuffs in my wallet.
(that had been there for quite awhile.)
i came across my stack of movie stubs/tickets (whatever you wanna call that.)
well, i did not deliberately collect them,
but i just stuff them inside my wallet whenever i catch a movie, so yeah (:

they were dated from 2007 till the recent ones.
i actually had even older ones,
but dumped them all because the words had fade & i could not get them back in shape.

it was awesome looking through those stubs.
it reminded me who i went out with (boyfriend/s, friends, dates, families blah blah blah)
which really told me a lot,
especially the ones that are categorised under dates (hahah!)
i shall keep the details to myself,
but i can share with you privately if you want.
they are interesting, somehow.
well, at least to me :D

anyway, i think my personal posts to all the individual loved ones will be very overdue!
because, i cannot seem to find a day when i can just spend it all on writing the posts up.
and my inspirations usually come right before the moment i fall asleep,
(therefore i didnt do any penning down) so this really sucks.

--------------------------------------

well this is the first post of march,
which is a very special month to me.
because, i feel brand new.

it's like i am ready to start afresh.
many people have approached me with concerns about my future education and/or career,
which keeps me pondering.
but i have not made up my mind just as yet.

i get this feeling right after finishing my last exam paper.
because many people just like me, spent most of their lifetimes (so far) on education.
i got so used to it!
now it feels like i am going to do something different,
all of a sudden, it feels really weird.
it kind of feels like the first day of school in primary 1,
how unsecure, unfamiliar, uncertain.

but i am sure i can overcome anything in life.
i have gotten used to education since the first day of primary 1 until my life so far,
i can cope easily with anything else,
at least that is what i believe (:

a favour for mr. postman

2010-02-28T01:05:00.002+08:00

i have this super long post in mind,
that i have wanted to start writing even before my final examinations.
i wanted to end my three awesome years in poly with a great big smile & tons of love to all my lovers.
so i am thinking of writing a different message to each & everyone that had impacted me in a way or another in these three years.
err, i'll try to cover as many people as possible?

i think,
it's gonna take a very very long time.
so i should start soon,
as soon as i get settled down,
well at least more or less, yeah?

life can only get better.

2010-02-10T00:28:00.003+08:00

it's been almost a month since i have blogged!
& i'm finally doing so again,
because i have completed my final project :D

i neeeeed a better life.
& immediately, i have people coming to talk to me.
it's awesome to be connected to your lovely friends,
i guess it's time to feel like myself once again!

a lot have been going on in many of my friends' lives,
& i may not have been there all the time.
but people, i am always one text message away whenever you need me, yes?

a short post for now,
i shall update soon again! (:

2010-01-19T22:31:00.003+08:00

i had one really really busy week!
my aunt & grandmother came to stay at my place from last thursday until this morning,
to attend my brother's wedding last saturday.
i need to get my work done, yet spend time with them & snoopy.

i must have turned really fat now,
at least i feel that way.
i have been out for almost every lunches & dinners for the past days.
there was curry fish head, wedding dinner at marriott hotel, japanese sashimi, local delicacies sprees etc.

now that they are back safely in malaysia,
i need to start rushing my projects & studying for tests!
please help me get through this semester,
i want to do well & leave ngee ann poly on a good note.

please, give me a good year!

2010-01-05T23:55:00.007+08:00

i didnt have time to blog about my awesome new year countdown with the bacommers,
(matherine, boonchin, jeff, qingfu, jinkang, ivan, hongwei, ronald, kit, weixuan & rubin)
so here it is NOW! :D

peektures a teeny weeny bit heavy! (:

so we had steamboat dinner at matherine's place
& the guys were so engrossed with wii for the entire night!

so here's my retards of the day,
who kept me laughing so damn hard.
& we delayed so long because of wii, that by the time we rushed down to have our own mini countdown at the void deck,
it was already new year!
so we decided to head to a playground to drink, chill &... SPARKLERS!
words are actually redundant in this post,
we are happy people with lots of love! (:

& i'll end off my post with a great big heart :D

brand new year, brand new love (:

2010-01-03T23:33:00.004+08:00

okay, i wanted to post this earlier. but i didnt have the time to edit & translate.
so here you go!
i see me in this lyrics, do you?
this is one of those songs that i want to highlight the lines i can relate to,
& i almost highlighted everything.

黄小琥 - 没那么简单
Huang Xiao Hu - Not That Easy

没那麽简单就能找到聊得来的伴
It's not that easy, to find someone you can be with
尤其是在看过了那麽多的背叛
Especially after seeing so many betrayals
总是不安只好强悍
Always feel unsecure, but I could only be strong
谁谋杀了我的浪漫
& who killed my romance?

没那麽简单就能去爱别的全不看
It's not that easy, to love wholeheartedly & ignore the rest
变得实际也许好也许坏各一半
Becoming practical can be both good & bad
不爱孤单一久也习惯
Hate the loneliness, but you just get used to it
不用担心谁也不用被谁管
Cos' I don't have to worry or being tied up by anyone

感觉快乐就忙东忙西
Get hyped up & busy when I feel happy
感觉累了就放空自己
Take a break & stone when I feel tired
别人说的话随便听一听自己作决定
Make your own decision no matter what people says
不想拥有太多情绪
I don't want to be too emotional
一杯红酒配电影
With just a cup of wine & a movie
在周末晚上关上了手机舒服窝在沙发里
To spend my weekend in a comfy couch, with my cell off

相爱没有那麽容易每个人有他的脾气
It's not so easy to fall in love, everyone has their own temper
过了爱作梦的年纪轰轰烈烈不如平静
When you grow old enough, & you prefer peaceful than adventurous love
幸福没有那麽容易才会特别让人著迷
It's not so easy to stay blissful, that's why everyone yearns for it
什麽都不懂的年纪
When we are still naive
曾经最掏心所以最开心曾经
When we were so open & carefree, & therefore so happy, those were the days
想念最伤心但却最动心的记忆
Reminiscing the saddest, yet most touching memories

im happy i get to see many couples get together recently,
but on the other hand, many are not doing well either.
in 2010,
i want everyone to stay happy, yeah?
love comes in many different forms, you never know if it's all a blessing in disguise
so cherish what you have (:
& lovely friends,
please do not ask me to get a boyfriend anymore.
it happens when it will,
i have love, that's all that matters :D

when life gets in your way.

2009-12-11T11:41:00.004+08:00

last day of school for the year,
what a boring term i must say!
individual assignments are done with, but projects are piling up,
oh boy.

& my gadgets are all dying on me,
it's making me so dead pissed with the world.
i may have bi-polar disorder.

there's a lack of updates these days,
im not so into blogs and stuffs like that recently.
realised i havent checked out many blogs either.
& snoopy has been to my place for a couple of days,
while my sis is on OT at work.
dont want him tripping onto my laptop's wire.

the only time he looks into camera,
because he thought it was food for him.

i need to get out, anyone?

you better be fine.

2009-12-01T15:57:00.004+08:00

man, i have a tendency to vanish during & after long breaks.
you just get so used to not meeting up people on a daily basis!
& now it's not that i dont wanna meet/talk to anyone,
it's just that, i cant.
this physical state of mine is killing me big time,
totally hate what i am right this moment.

but through my short sneaks back to the world (facebook & msn)
it's good to know there's still people out there who cares.
xingxian airmailed me an ipod though he's out of town on 6months attachment,
thanks lovely! (:

& i should end my sneak really soon,
before i drop down & die.
goodbye world, i'll see you soon, again! (:

----------------------------------------

i hate to see you hurt,
that's why im walking away.
because we both know,
you'll go running to her even if she was the one who cause you pain.
i dont know why it's her,
but as long as you tell me so,
then she'll be the one (:

who's that in the mirror?

2009-11-16T14:15:00.003+08:00

i was listening to landy's new album,
& she was introducing this song "wo quan dou xiang xin" (i believe everything),
saying she wants to beat a track from her previous album that was such a big hit, "sha gua" (fool).
but i found another song even more awesome!
probably because i am able to connect better with this one instead
(especially the fact i dont believe everything just like that.)

so here it is:

Landy Wen - Ci Wei (Porcupine)
温岚 - 刺猬

最后一抹的微笑
the last smile
在转身之后我闭上眼哭了
before i turn away, close my eyes & cry
仅存的一点点骄傲
the last bit of proudness
华丽的外表终于丢掉
the gorgeous exterior, it's all thrown away
很彷徨很孤单是寂寞或悲惨一个人该怎么办
feeling lost, lonely & miserable, what should i do alone

#像是刺猬般防范
as defensive as a porcupine
伪装的勇敢不轻易让你看穿
not letting you see through the courage i feign
我以为可以很坦然
i thought i can be calm
面对分开时不觉得伤感
not feel the sadness when i face our separation
然而将灯关上一片无声黑暗心痛的大声呼喊
but when the lights are out, it's quiet & pitch dark
the heartache screams out loud

*我想我没那么坚强每个女孩其实一样
i guess i am not that strong, & every girl is actually the same
渴望着爱情的好渴望被拥抱
longing for the good in love & being embraced
却都害怕爱让人受伤
but still afraid of how love can hurt
承认我没那么坚强
admitting that im not that strong
不过是一而再的逞强
it's just pretending to be strong time & again
小心将情绪收藏比傻瓜还傻
keeping my emotions away cautiously, sillier than a fool can be
刺猬的坚强全都是假象哭吧
the porcupine's strongness is all just a facade, just cry

Repeat #, *, *

i tried my best in translation,
but im just not thinking straight today.
& the easiest words are the ones so difficult to translate :/

& i wanted to highlight the parts where i felt strongly towards,
like what i usually do in every other songs i posted.
but i realised i highlighted almost every line,
so i decided not to.
you get what i mean, yeah?

i am not in love with you.

2009-11-13T22:37:00.002+08:00

sometimes,
i feel really out of place.
like, am i living in the right place/right time?
is it me, or is it just everyone around me?

you know how i dont like hiding my feelings,
& you do know how i would like to love everyone.
but people just dont get it, do they?
im just someone who has a lot of love to share.

statements like "hey dearest" or "you know i love you"
left many people i know in these very weird moments.
do you have to be in a boy girl relationship love, to actually love someone?
can people just stop imagining me being in love with them?
the kind of love you would think, does not come easy.

it's easy for me to like a person, even people at the same time,
but to fall in love, it's harder than you think.
& if i am really in love with you,
you will never get to know, until i feel it mutual (:
so please, do not complicate me.
just take love as it is,
don't you love your friends?

i'm not going to refrain myself from showing love,
the world's becoming so selfish.

this is love.

2009-11-11T00:07:00.008+08:00

yesterday was my awesome 19th birthday.
i was actually upset with the fact that it fell on my hated day of the week - tuesday.
& the fact that i was going to have classes from 9am - 4pm :/
but it turned out pretty well!

met up with bacommers after school at makan place
(ronald, glenn, nigel, jinkang, ivan, jason, kit, tyty, darren, zul, brandon, rubin, jessica, sheauyun & atiqah)
credits to ronald for calling up people! (:
it was really one big heck of a surprise.
it's such a contradiction having glenn as dearest twinnie, oh boy.
he became the mastermind, manipulator & instigator of all the dares & sabotages of the day ):

so i had to sip my cake with a straw,
then get my face (especially my nose & TEETH) smashed into the cake & knocking onto the table,
then go around asking people to wish me happy birthday,
then annoy the dessert stall lady by changing my orders so many times & walk away,
then make calls to my mom & leonardi telling them random & sick stuffs.
THANKS AH, EVIL TWIN.
& i remembered making your birthday a really lovely one!
rawr.

met up with beatty clique for dinner at suntec city (leonardi, charmaine, jolene, nicholas, jerrold, wendy, guankai, shunli & bala)
credits to leo for coordinating the whole thing! :D
it was all nice & simple, the way i like it.
i love sitting there listening to their random conversations, dumb things they say at one another & laughing out loud throughout the night (:
thanks for the present, my favourite loved ones!
leo, please stay awesome okay?
you've been extremely nice today & i love you big time for that :D
& thanks for being there when im darn bored or when i need to rant.
BIG HUG, BIG GRIN.

thanks for all the birthday wishes,
be it on facebook, msn or text messages (:
i hope i replied to all, & i want to note them down on my blog,
so hopefully, i didnt leave anyone out.
the early wishes:
joelin
gideon wong
jerald
janice
eugene
xingxian
dan
hsunhao

the day of love:
ronald
qingfu
shunli
eliseus
mohsan
kit
jerrold
liying
matherine
charmaine
kahkit
debbie
sheauyun
zul
bala
beishan
rubin
shermin
ryan wei
dingren
ruslan
jeffrey quek
amanda goh
sharon seah
eileen ang
eugene lee
nigel
brandon
dave
desmond koh
glenn lee
teck khang
klifferd
clarence kow
daniel tan
hakim
rendall
dominic
yaode
taolian
danielle
guanyu
james li
david lee
fedora
jeff
ivan zheng
cheryl phua
jinkang
angela
zai
hongwei
hazm
ruizhang
herman
jason lim
junsheng
peiyi
mr. kevin chua
leonardi
darren ng
kuohua
jiaw
michelle
manfred
edward
arnold
huiying sung
kasturi
samantha heng
chunhui
jolene lee
mindy
shixuan
suern
boonchin
eugene chan
hweesan
tyty
jessica teo
atiqah
fiona
ezzati
alicia lim
xuli
khrisha
wendy
nicholas lim
guankai
kwoksiang
tracy
jiakang
yongxiang
julia
darren lim
yaowei
shuhong
rebecca
clarence tan
huishan
gary soh
kelly
reuben
yizhi
jenny toh
raymond
darren ann
chunyang
malcolm
samantha then
jacky chang
parry
alex tai
jolene
yuansen

the post love:
amy
livia
yixi
fredrick
(i'll add in if i still need to.)

mooooosik.

2009-11-06T16:10:00.002+08:00

i was listening to this song on my way home,
& it kind of made an impact.
a pretty nice song,
& this singer can really do tons of runs.

no translation this time,
didnt feel like it.
maybe next time?

卢学叡- 可不可以爱我

为什麽如此的安静
为什麽明明想靠近却还在迟疑
努力的我保持镇定
努力开拓话题
最後却溃不成军

#为什麽如此的美丽
深刻的烙在心里最温柔的酷刑
每一天无法不想你
连闭上眼睛
怎麽都是你#

*你可不可以爱我
可不可以想我
虽然我对自己没有一点的把握
别害怕我难过
告诉我你真实的感受
至少忐忑已告一段落

你可不可以爱我
可不可以看我
反正看或不看我依然失魂落魄
成全不是美德
拒绝也不是一种罪过
你能给我快乐还是寂寞*

Repeat #*

想念燃烧个不停
我快置身灰烬
你是我的呼吸

Repeat *

你能给我能给我什麽快乐还是寂寞

im officially going to learn this song (:

if there's a place for me in your life.

2009-11-05T01:00:00.005+08:00

it's officially thursday.
was home less than an hour ago :/
& im totally worn out.

woke up at 7am yesterday,
feeling the nerves for BANG! & wasnt able to get back to bed.
(psst, my class only starts at 11am.)
school was darn boring as usual until it was 4pm - BANG! rehearsal.

did more than i thought i would be doing,
but i guess it's all good.
congratulations to all finalists, committee members & helpers,
great show! (:
lucky me, no school on thursdays,
so i get to sleep in!

thank yous:
ronald
klifferd
nigel
matherine
jeff
qingfu

at least, these are the people i get to talk to about stuffs
or just be there some way or another.
love you guys, loads :D

the 101 ways things could have turned out,
but i had gotten none.
do you even know?
but then again,
im afraid that you do.
tell me how?

5days
& still down to nothing.

life staring right at you.

2009-11-02T22:08:00.003+08:00

i've been so exhausted these days.
can someone give me another week of holidays,
so i can just sleep it away?

im not exactly at the right mood for the past week too,
you either get to talk a lot to me,
or i just dont utter a word.
a lot have been going on,
life, oh life.

lately,
people have been asking me about my posts,
be it on blog, facebook, twitter or msn.
well the conversation usually goes:

"what's up with the post?"
"nothing."
"who are you refering to?"
"someone."
"is it someone i know, or is it me?"
"do you think it fits you?"
"maybe, somehow."
"then it's you."
"oh."

so yes,
well if you feel it's about you,
then yes it is.
sometimes i write something with no intention of directing it to anyone,
but i guess it does apply to someone somehow.
if it's a negative post/comment,
& you think it's you im talking about,
then do something & quit asking!

if you see it too

2009-10-29T00:54:00.003+08:00

school's all right i guess,
it's not as bad as it may seem to attend classes alone (:
it's how you see things, yeah?

3 days of BANG! ticket booth duties,
plus 1 evening of BANG! rehearsal.
now im really drained.
i should get more sleep when i can.

im keeping my fingers crossed about many things,
i afraid to think/imagine.
please, oh please,
let things work out fine!

oh gosh,
i think i have too many things at the back of my mind now.
but i dont want to sort them out either,
i fear getting the picture so clear.
but at the same time, i wish to know.
how contradicting.

11days,
& so?

to you, y.z.m

2009-10-22T17:56:00.005+08:00

hey,
today i saw you on a show,
& memories ran through my head on fast forward.
it's good seeing you doing what you do best,
& i know you will go far with it.

i remember how we met,
how shy we were (especially you).
i remember how we chatted like no tomorrow,
how we didnt want to go to sleep.
i remember those crucial moments of ours in lives,
& how we stood by each other.
i remember how we part,
how we decided it would not work out.
i remember how we met again,
but things were all messed up.

i guess it's all good,
no one believed we would work out anyway,
& we proved them right.

for quite awhile,
i lost news of you,
but it's good to hear from you again.
i still miss your mom,
but as long as i know she's all well now.
i hope you found great love (:

you probably will not get to see this message,
but it's okay as long as i know you're fine,
as long as i get to see you dance again.

make the best out of everything (:

2009-10-13T03:47:00.004+08:00

yeah, im up in the wee hours once again.
im like super engrossed & addicted to the things i can be doing lately.
partly because ive found part of me back,
but im guessing,
you'll probably not like it,
well /shrugs.
(the attitude is back in the house, yeah.)

so i've gone through all my blog links,
remove some & hide some.
no hard feelings people, if i chose to remove yours (:
i've also removed all the music on my blog,
will put them back on,
when im done updating (that is, if i ever feel like doing so.)

facebook is a mess right now.
what's up with people adding like nobody's business?
anyway, i dont even think my profile photo is cool.
& if you wanna get to know some big shots,
you need to choose another path, not mine.
:D

so i think i've been missing out on the world,
& vice versa.
im currently addicted to watching big brother USA,
& i have no reason why.

also, i have completely shut up.
i didnt lose my voice,
but i think i should give it a break.
it's going to be a pain not to sing,
but it's for the better right now (:
take it as a meditation & preseverance training.

wordy blog post again.
well, nobody cares (:

27days.

thanks, but sorry.

2009-10-06T18:49:00.002+08:00

facebook's a little congested these days.
people are doing funny stuffs over a stupid photo.
(& some other over connections.)
thanks for the support,
but no thanks.

my life's based on everything that's real.
so strangers, please think twice before deciding to hit the button (:
i would like to meet new people,
but nothing materialistic.

hey, im talking to you.

2009-10-02T14:21:00.005+08:00

i neeeed to share this song.
because, this is so so close to my heart.
in fact, i actually feel like this IS me.
this is what i am all the time,
& finally a song that represents how i feel so much.

i wanted to highlight parts of the lyrics where i feel really strong about,
like what i would do for other lyrics,
but i realised, i ended up highlighting every single line.

i will attempt to do a direct translation,
so you can understand directly how i feel.

-----------------------------------------------

张惠妹 - 分生
Zhang Hui Mei - Fen Sheng

一个我像不会累一直往前
一个我动弹不得伤心欲绝
我不确定几个我住在心里面
偶尔像敌人偶尔像姐妹
(there's this me that can just keep going & not feel tired at all,
& another me who is hurting so much that i can barely move.
im not sure how many different persons live within my heart,
sometimes they are foes, sometimes like sisters.)

一个我在网路上朋友一堆
一个我在房间里独自面对
灰色的音乐塞满黑夜 High的像麻醉
好让翻搅的胃安静一点忘了全世界
(there's this me who has lots of friends over the internet,
& another me, who locks up in her room feeling lonely.
listening to the music through the night, feeling numb from being high,
so that i can get some peace from the rest of the world.)

*
分裂前的热泪分裂后的冷眼
越爱谁越防备像只脆弱的刺猬
分裂中的心碎分裂后的假面
不快乐不伤悲情绪埋藏成了地雷等待爆裂
(the emotional tears before schizophrenia, & the coldness after,
the more i love, the more i guard against, just like a weak porcupine.
the heartbreaking moments during schizophrenia, & the strong front after,
im not happy, im not sad, the emotions within building up like a mime, waiting to explode.)

一个我相信用心会被感觉
一个我大喊真心会被欺骗
开始的热烈不停奉献后来剩决裂
谎言吞噬了心带来刺痛撕裂的蜕变
(there's this me, who believes that as long as i make the effort, it can be felt,
& another me, who says her sincerity has been used & cheated.
the warmth at the beginning, continuous devotion, leading to only rupture
lies has engulfed my heart, bringing only stabbing & tearing pain while morphing.)

* *

more fashion!

2009-09-25T23:35:00.004+08:00

MINI COLLECTION 3 HAS LAUNCHED!
The Rubber Ducks is bringing in the latest trends at really affordable prices!
Because we are blogshoppers too,
so we decided to provide apparels at lower prices.

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who knows what pain means?

2009-09-25T13:30:00.003+08:00

i heard some stuffs about me,
& i just want to say,
hell no, you're wrong.

i think a blog is the only place i get to talk more about my feelings,
& less of others.
because ive facing this in my daily life,
i care too much on how people feel.

how in the world can a person like me,
be someone who feels that the world revolves around me?
im not liking the insensitivity & self centerness within people these days.

stop taking me for granted during your happy moments,
& getting annoyed about me when youre upset.
okay, that sounds more like the world revolves around you.
cherish what you have.

one day, you'll see me again.

2009-09-24T16:19:00.002+08:00

life's good right now (:
im loving myself more.
thanks to those who brought me down, disappointed me,
made me stop living for you but myself.
it's really something i took really long to get over.
because all the time i know,
i brought all these sufferings upon myself,
i wouldnt say i was more selfless,
but because i cared too much.
& it's time i let go & start loving myself,
even if it means i have to walk alone.

on the other hand,
the actions & responses/reactions ive gotten,
were all because you have moved on as well.
& im happy.
i always look like i dont care,
but nevertheless, you were still my burden to carry.
when you say, listen to this song, thats what i feel,
when you did something & wished i understand,
i brushed them off.
& that's all the more i want you to move on.

but it's human of me to feel all the negativity after you moved on.
i hated the treatment,
but as long it's for the better.

& hey,
after this reflection post.
i realise i still have a long way to go.
because im still caring,
& im still hurting my own.

a friend told me it's human nature to be self centered & selfish,
i disagree.
but what other evidence do i have against this comment,
except for myself?
maybe the one not human,
was none other than myself.
but im still finding my way back on track,
just you wait (:

truth hurts.

2009-09-17T05:49:00.002+08:00

i waited.
i got the answer.
i knew i would hate what's awaiting me.
but i faced it.

i knew you'd think i am over reacting,
maybe it's the way i put across.
but i just want to be honest when it comes to friends,
because i love you.

i didnt know my presence was so insignificant,
i didnt know i was so forgettable,
i didnt know i was not a good enough friend.

i thought i tried my best to be there for each & every single one,
i thought we were happy together,
i thought i looked hard enough at how you feel,
i thought that was all good enough,
i thought you feel that too.

& im not being self centered here,
i am not doing what i hate most - assuming.
but i thought it was all mutual.

when did it become otherwise?
where did it go wrong?
where did i go wrong?

dont tell me how small the issue is,
i know exactly what you mean.
but im just being truthful to how i feel,
because you mean something to me.

it's often the slightest things,
the insignificant actions,
the little details,
the minor incidents,
that strike really hard.
because it reflects the most natural & genuine side.
& the result was upsetting.

once again, i am not mad.
i am not blaming anyone but myself.
i am not forcing any thoughts into you.
i am nothing but just missing you.

hello, you.

2009-09-15T22:10:00.003+08:00

have been away from the "world" for quite some time (:
i think im getting used to not leading my old boring life.
& i think you noticed too.

i stopped logging into msn so often, even though i might be in front of the computer.
i start catching up with many many other stuffs.
i pay more attention to my world of music (im back, darling.)
i start reading. (but no, im not a psychopath. not yet.)
im living more for myself.

but hey, there's still some stuffs i missed out.
you.

yes, ive been meeting people,
but i never thought it can be enough.
it's just human nature to be a little more greedy, i guess.
you want to get the new, yet keep the old ones.
hello, where's my old loves?
you guys are vintage, & i love vintage!

& NO, IM NOT DRUNK.
it's just the stupid weather & the lack of sleep every single day.

i want to start writing songs all over again.
i miss that side of me (:

i realise, im not that well organised anymore!
as you can see, my thoughts are all over the place right now.
im back to my life for now,
but i still welcome you.

there's no boundary.

2009-09-03T00:57:00.006+08:00

yesterday was a bacomm day :D
met them for some shopping in the afternoon, all over orchard!
& karaoke session at cash studio in the night (:
(qingfu, boonchin, xingxian, anna, raymond & jeff)

i guess there's nothing much for me to say,
because you know what to expect!
with bacommers, you dont expect anything less than
fun, laughter, love & joy :D

so the ends with a great big smile!
all right, gonna get back to uploading all those long videos from the session,
TEE HEE.

do not find love, it will come to you (:

2009-08-30T00:15:00.001+08:00

was up awake for 21 hours on friday, omg.
& feeling so tired right now.
woke up at 5am for the last minute preparation for my final paper of the semester
& slept only at 2am :/

met some bacommers for dinner & drinking @ clarke quay, after the exams (:
(qingfu, hongwei, ronald & xingxian)
dinner at burger king, central
& drinking at highlander.
ambience was awesome, drinks were all right but live band,
ha-ha.

head down to the bishan library yesterday :D
yes, be amazed.
but unfortunately, i didnt manage to find the books i wanted.
nevertheless, i borrowed some.
you don't wanna know what they are,
but if you're THAT curious, you can check with me (:

michael jackson dangerous world tour munich 1997
thanks channel 5!
i love the way he shared his love, conveyed his message through the awesome concert.
& the concert looks really familiar,
like the one in my memory, somewhere (:

& this is highlander (:

the drinks & people of the day :D

so is hongwei's version better?

or xingxian's original one?

& for once, peishan is the photographer of the night
(well, at least most of the photos are taken by me. heh.)

the only "normal looking" photo
the rest were really random shots,
but still i look drunk in here.
tsk.

just as you thought i would turn around.

2009-08-22T22:53:00.002+08:00

Heidi Montag - No More

You tried, boy
You tried to blame it on me
At first it worked
I was feeling so guilty
You said, you said
I was the reason why
We couldn't work out
But that was all a lie
You never gave me
What I gave you boy
But it's your loss
Cause you made the choice
To walk out
But you want me back around
I wish that I never loved you
Never loved you

Chorus:
I should have never let you have my heart
You made me not want to feel again
Made me scared to open up, but
Now I'm better off
No more bad days
Don't need you to validate me

No More
(I don't need you)
No More
(I don't need you)
No More
(I don't need you)
No More
(I don't need you)

You made me
Made me think we had something real
But then you tried to use the way I feel
Against me
Make me a yes girl
You tried to do
Had to free myself
Cause I can't let you
Get the best of me
No more misery
Had to free myself
Cause you're not the one for me

And I bet you wish you had my love again
I bet you wish you never made that decision
Cause now you want me back
I bet you want me back
But when I cry myself to sleep
Tell me, where are you?

I did everything you asked me to
But nothing was good enough
And baby, we're through
You act so arrogant
You act like you're heaven sent
And I'm not gonna let you get the best of me
I'll find someone who loves me for me

couldn't believe i actually listened to heidi montag
but oh well, i realised the lyrics are awesome (:
stand independent!

it's love like that.

2009-08-22T16:59:00.005+08:00

im back home feeling really exhausted!
met up with dearest livia both yesterday & today (:
she decided to drop by singapore for 4 days.
man, she really has a tight schedule!

so leo & i met her yesterday afternoon for some shopping,
three noobies stepped into ION Orchard for the very first time
& were completely LOST.
HAHAHA!

& today, it's a bigger group, of love (:
(livia, charmaine, xuli, leonardi & nicholas)
met up for lunch at food republic, wisma atria
cos dearest livia missed singapore's food so much.
we hung around to chat for awhile,
xuli & livia about their architecture courses,
charmaine, leonardi & me about business,
& nicholas - LOST.
HAHAHA!

we spent so little time together,
but good ones (:
with loves.

dear friend

2009-08-18T20:22:00.003+08:00

i miss you.

i got used to having you around,
your voice,
your laughter,
your annoyance,
your scent,
& even things i hated about you.

let's go back to the basic,
love doesnt exist only in boy girl relationship.
dont read my post with your shallow mind (:

love, your existence.

2009-08-18T20:12:00.002+08:00

what the rainbow&stripes.
im sneezing like nobody's business once again,
my nose is like a running tap which will never stop!
must be due to the lack of sleep.
i slept at 8 this morning until almost 4 this afternoon ):

went over to shawn's place for mahjong last afternoon
(shawn, jenny, clarence & gary)
had no intention to stay through the night,
but in the end we still did.
& we played 3 rounds of mahjong!

i think late nights make the people go crazy,
at least that was what happened to all of us.
everyone was talking gibberish,
doing stupid things that made no sense at all.
i think i can save up on exercising,
clarence & gary never fail to train my abs from all those crazy laughing sessions.

another session after exams (:

meanwhile, im looking forward to the return of LIVIA SUTRISNO!
oh man, missed her so so much.
& she's finally coming back!
but it's a little of a bad timing,
since i'll be having my 2 final papers next week
& she's returning this weekend.
so i need to work harder a bit, before i could meet her!

so looking foward! :D

can i write my own happy ending?

2009-08-14T00:31:00.004+08:00

Brian McKnight - One Last Cry

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you out of my mind
This time
Been living a lie
I know I've gotta be strong
But around me life goes on
And on, and on, and on

I was here
You were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone
Wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you out of my mind
This time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry

I'm gonna dry my eyes
Right after I get my
One last cry

One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you out of my mind
This time
Been living a lie
I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down
To my last cry

you feel me?

it's a new start!

2009-08-13T21:30:00.005+08:00

today,
marks the end of all projects for this semester.
FINALLY.

stayed over at shawn's place last night to complete the integrated project
(shawn, jenny, clarence & weikwang)
stayed up through the night,
had no sleep, no food for more than 30 hours!
& so, i lost abut 1.5kg in a night.

it's officially the last day of school for TB16,
thanks for the memories (:

when it all dont mean a thing.

2009-08-11T15:16:00.000+08:00

a heartbreak,
one after another.

how many does it take before one is shattered?

where did we go wrong?

2009-08-10T22:19:00.002+08:00

you never fail to leave me with a heartache.

but i know i'll soon be fine.
because for this last time,
you're leaving for good.

you're my contradiction.

spin the world with love.

2009-08-09T01:37:00.003+08:00

now, i am so damn tired!
flea has come to an end (:
it's time to rest for a little while.
& i hope xuli's better.

wonderful time, maybe not selling,
but definitely good times with good people!
jerrold came down to stay & help wendy throughout the entire flea,
& lovely nicholas stayed & helped charmaine & me!
nick, you're so damn sweet & awesome!
thanks a trillion,
:DDD

jeff, jinkang, suern & qingfu came down to show some moral support as well.
thanks lovely people! (:
so after it all ended, the 3 guys decide to go for a drink.
marrakesh @ clarke quay look quite awesome,
if we could only stay longer.
but mr. tomato might not be able to make it home,
HAHAHA.
(refers to jinkang.)

anyway,
it was an awesome day because of the awesome people!
all the chats & craps,
made my day :D
LOVE YOOOOOOOU!

oh lastly,
happy birthday singapore.
happy birthday leonardi.
LOL!

the battle with yourself

2009-08-07T22:22:00.002+08:00

2 down,
4 to go,
& 1 ongoing.

oh yesyes,
SM presentation is over
& now MRSH test is also over!
MCOM test results wasnt bad at all (:

i've got so so so much inspiration these days!
i need to start writing songs,
i need to prepare vocals
& i need to start dancing again.

i cant wait for the integrated presentation
& my 2 final papers to be over!
I NEED LOVE, MUSIC & LIFE.
people, flood me with them!
psst, i think i write good sad lyrics.
HAHAHAH!

---------------------------------------------

THE RUBBER DUCKS IS JOINING A FLEA TOMORROW!
8 AUGUST 2009 (SATURDAY), 2PM-10PM, HOME CLUB
(located near clarke quay mrt)
Apparels & accessories at lower price
Free goodie bag for coming in red/white
Live performance!

i want my life back, but i don't know where i've lost it.

2009-08-03T00:49:00.004+08:00

if you're gonna spend your time reading this & call me emo again,
i suggest you back off right this instance.

------------------------------------------------------------

peishan is in a really really stressful situation right now.
she realised she hasnt been happy for quite a long time,
& shes gonna hate herself very soon.
her temper is everywhere,
because she feels like bursting like sparks of fire.
shes holding onto too many things,
& now shes loosing grip of herself.

she has spoken to so many individuals,
these people called friends.
but all she has gotten so far, are nothing but more words.
whether they are honey coated or feel like a slap across her face,
they all mean nothing at all.

all she needs was a little more action,
because she believes action speaks louder than words.
so quit trying to give her the best advice to let go or priortise,
while on the other hand, you know you contributed to her stress level.

peishan really wish to stop breathing for a day,
feels what it's like to not feel anything, anything at all.

tokens of love

2009-07-24T20:28:00.005+08:00

shall let the peektures do the talking (:

xuli, you're so damn artistic.

belated birthday girl, charmaine :D

birthday girl, xuli (:

peektures with love (:
xoxo

love pills.

2009-07-23T01:26:00.003+08:00

celebrated xuli's birthday & charmaine's belated at timbre, the arts house (:
(xuli, charmaine, jolene, leonardi & nicholas)
it's always good to meet the awesome people again.
even when you feel down.

the live band there is great,
definitely going back some time.
just that, i hope not the same group of guys sitting next to us.
stop staring, i know i got pretty friends,
stop.

& i was actually upset for the whole freaking evening,
all the way until now.
but luckily i got 4 awesome people to talk to right this moment,
(shawn, jacky, jeff & daniel)
my saviours, seriously.
i feel like im gonna burst soon.
the feeling like im gonna do something harmful to myself.
of course, nothing suicidal.
but painful.

stay awesome, people!

i want to have you here, always.

we call it over, as long as you're happy.

2009-07-20T20:18:00.004+08:00

i went through my smses in the inbox since apr 2009
phone's getting laggy due to the overloaded text messages
so i thought it was time to delete as many as possible.

looking back at all that ive gone through this semester,
the new people ive met, & those who ive lost on th way.
nevertheless, im still glad,
that some point of time, i had you people (:

to you,
i am deciding to let go.
this time i will not say "let YOU go".
because i never thought i ever had you.
so now, i am to let go of all these feelings within.

i guess you dont care,
but as always, i just want to be true to myself & how i feel.
i was all willing to overcome anything,
but now i need to overcome myself.

& after all this, i'll only be missing you
that's all that will be left of me.
i want to see the rainbow again,
even if i have to be alone.

----------------------------------

Jordin Spark's Battlefield

Don't try to explain your mind
I know what's happening here
One minute it's love
And suddenly it's like a battlefield

One word turns into a war
Why is it the smallest things that tear us down?
My world's nothing when you don't
I'm not here without a shield
Can't go back now

Both hands, tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
Why we gotta fall for it now

I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like

Can't swallow our pride
Neither of us wanna raise that flag
If we can't surrender then we both gonna lose
What we had, oh no

Both hands tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
I don't wanna fall for it now

I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?

I guess you better go and get your armor
(Get your armor) Get your armor
I guess you better go and get your armor
(Get your armor) Get your armor
I guess you better go and get your

We could pretend that we are friends tonight
(Oh, oh, oh) And in the morning we'll wake up and we'll be alright'
Cause baby, we don't have to fight
And I don't want this love to feel like
A battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield
I guess you better go and get your armor

I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for
(Fighting, fighting for) Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?

I guess you better go and get your armor
(Get your armor) Get your armor
I guess you better go and get your armor
(Get your armor) Get your armor
Why does love always feel like?
Why does love always feel like?
A battlefield, a battlefield

I never meant to start a war
Don't even know what we're fighting for
I never meant to start a war
Don't even know what we're fighting for

& life's like this.

2009-07-17T19:13:00.003+08:00

had been sick for almost a week now,
& i decided to get down for a game of badminton (:

skipped 2 days of school,
& just when i decided to get back for classes,
there's no class today!
but still, i dragged myself down to submit my individual assignment
then meet the rest for badminton :D
(ivan, xingxian, jeff & then angela, qingfu & kit. while tyty & eileen watched.)
it's been like uber long since i last played.
that totally explains my sore legs & bums right this moment.

oh boy,
i need to get my appetite back!
im getting well soon,
& hungry like really fast.
but i stopped eating after a few mouthfuls.
anything more than that, they'll choose to exit from my mouth again.
BOO ):

-hey there, i miss you. & stop doubting, it is you.

& i believe you're still living, forever.

2009-07-11T14:54:00.003+08:00

i was running through the songs of michael jackson that i actually have,
& i actually came across this one.
it was so damn powerful that i had to blog & post the lyrics up!
talk about pop & rock music,
just google this song & listen to it.

there's nothing compared to this, seriously.
rock music can get a little crappy these days,
& you dont realise what you actually is looking for anymore.
rock is the attitude!

Michael Jackson's Earth Song

What about sunrise
What about rain
What about all the things
That you said we were to gain
What about killing fields
Is there a time
What about all the things
That you said was yours and mine

Did you ever stop to notice
All the blood we've shed before
Did you ever stop to notice
The crying Earth the weeping shores?
Aaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaah
Aaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaah

What have we done to the world
Look what we've done
What about all the peace
That you pledge your only son
What about flowering fields
Is there a time
What about all the dreams
That you said was yours and mine

Did you ever stop to notice
All the children dead from war
Did you ever stop to notice
The crying Earth the weeping shores
Aaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaah
Aaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaah

I used to dream
I used to glance beyond the stars
Now I don't know where we are
Although I know we've drifted far
Aaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaah
Aaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaah
Aaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaah
Aaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaah

Hey, what about yesterday (What about us)
What about the seas (What about us)
The heavens are falling down (What about us)
I can't even breathe (What about us)
What about the bleeding Earth (What about us)
Can't we feel its wounds (What about us)
What about nature's worth (ooo, ooo)
It's our planet's womb (What about us)

What about animals (What about it)
We've turned kingdoms to dust (What about us)
What about elephants (What about us)
Have we lost their trust (What about us)
What about crying whales (What about us)
We're ravaging the seas (What about us)
What about forest trails (ooo, ooo)
Burnt despite our pleas (What about us)

What about the holy land (What about it)
Torn apart by greed (What about us)
What about the common man (What about us)
Can't we set him free (What about us)
What about children dying (What about us)
Can't you hear them cry (What about us)
Where did we go wrong (ooo, ooo)
Someone tell me why (What about us)

What about babies (What about it)
What about the days (What about us)
What about all their joy (What about us)
What about the man (What about us)
What about the crying man (What about us)
What about Abraham (What was us)
What about death again (ooo, ooo)
Do we give a damn

Aaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaah

save the earth, save you & me.
go green, peace.

never stop loving, ever.

2009-07-08T11:35:00.002+08:00

i watched Michael Jackson's Memorial,
& currently, im feeling really down.
cant believe the number of times i cried through it.

words can never express how i feel right now,
& i dont think anyone of you would actually ever understand.

Jo Dee Messina's Heaven Was Needing A Hero

I came by today to see you
Oh I had to let you know
If I knew the last time that I held you was the last time
I'd have held you, and never let go

Oh, it's kept me awake nights, wondering
I lie in the dark, just asking why
I've always been told
You won't be called home
Until it's your time

I guess heaven was needing a hero
Somebody just like you
Brave enough to stand up
For what you believe
And follow it through
When I try to make it make sense in my mind
The only conclusion I come to
Is heaven was needing a hero
Like you

I remember the last time I saw you
Oh, you held your head up proud
I laughed inside
When I saw how you were standing out in the crowd
Your such a part of who I am
Now that part will just be void
No matter how much I need you now
Heaven needed you more

Cause heaven was needing a hero
Somebody just like you
Brave enough to stand up
For what you believe
And follow it through
When I try to make it make sense in my mind
The only conclusion I come to
Is heaven was needing a hero
Like you

Is Heaven was needing a hero
and that's you

every line reminds me a little bit more of Michael Jackson
how soft spoken he was off stage & how powerful he was on stage.
you'll be missed, forever.

music & you

2009-07-06T23:28:00.004+08:00

i miss michael jackson, a lot.

he lived & died for music,
all the controversies throughout his life had blinded what he was here to do.
his passion for music,
undeniably one of the greatest.
his love for the world,
had touched many people in different ways.
but it could probably be just human nature,
people tend to forget the good things.

i remembered watching his music videos everyday.
i remembered i was just a little girl when i went for his concert at Singapore's Outdoor Stadium.
i remembered how thrilled i was to be at his concert.
i remembered falling asleep & missed a great big part of it.
i remembered how regretful i was through these years & secretly promise myself i would definitely watch it again.
i remembered yearning for this day to arrive.
& i remembered he left us before i had the chance to.

someone asked me,
why are people so upset over his death?
he never influenced me in any way,
i just know him, people called him the king of pop,
& thats all.

but is that really all?

the lives he touched,
the people he inspired,
the love he shared,
the music he brought to this world.

people are all interdependent,
you wouldnt be listening to many of these singers, bands & music you are today,
if they hadnt been inspired by him.
you wouldnt be watching those great bboys do their moves & say you really want to master them too,
if they hadnt picked up some moves from him.
many thought they had nothing at all to do with him,
but then why would the rest of the world be so moved by him?
& does that mean these people had nothing to do with the rest of the world?

i miss you,
regardless of how much you changed,
you just wanted the best,
for you, for your loved ones & the rest of the world.

i cant believe i cried,
but no more tears from now on.
im going to celebrate your life with music.
you keep my passion for love & music alive (:

RIP MICHAEL JACKSON
1958-2009

give me love, nothing less.

2009-07-05T16:14:00.007+08:00

am feeling really tired right now,
cos i slept at 4am this morning :/
projects make me sick.

RIPIENO (NP Strings & Concert Band) Concert at Victoria Concert Hall last night,
it was awesome, especially with great people from BA_COMM.
(taolian, suern, ivan, hweesan, xingxian, jinhong, jinkang, kit, tyty, brandon, eileen, jessica, anna, jeff & zijian)
& we were all down to support dearest hazm,
who was part of the performing group & the president of the planning commitee :DDD

so while some of them left after the concert,
the rest of us met hongwei, matherine & her cute lil brother at marina sq's hongkong cafe.
all of us were so engrossed with matherine's brother's new toy.
& the guys seriously polluted him with all the wrong stuffs :/

hazmmm, eh you actually look good here man!
white malay boy, HAHAHA.

smileeeeee,
more than sunshine! (:

my favourite laydees of the night - taolian & matherine
LOVES :D

to end this, with a lovely photo with the lovely people!
memories are incomplete without you.

--------------------------------------------------

Visit The Rubber Ducks today!
Collection 2 is finally launched (:

Tunics, Dresses, Vests, Blazers, Designer Inspired Apparels & More Tops!

Great clothes & great deals you don't wanna miss! :D

love, like it is.

2009-07-01T17:47:00.004+08:00

i have not blogged for at least a week now, oh boy :/
i've been so busy with work & stuffs.
seriously, need a break! ):

im beginning to fill my phone's calendar with all the red tags
(which means, i have stuffs on on those days.)
& it's almost EVERY DAY!
all my lovelies, i still would like to hang out,
but book me earlier. HAHAHA!

bacommers have been hanging out a lot since the start of school,
like MADNESS.
i get so tired after meeting them each time,
cos i'll laugh so much that im so physically drained!
BA_COMM is like a bad bad disease.
but i love it :D

tomorrow's gonna be a crazy busy hectic day.
but there's zchen to make it all better :D
& charmaine + xuli on friday, AWESOME!
&& NP strings concert on saturday, WITH BACOMMERS

laydees, The Rubber Ducks is launching COLLECTION 2 this week!
& really, i love this collection LOADS.
stay tuned: http://therubberducks.livejournal.com/

- looking forward to meetups, maybe date, badminton & collection 2 (:
but definitely not deadlines.

sing like there's no tomorrow

2009-07-01T17:45:00.002+08:00

The Pussycat Dolls - I Hate This Part

We're driving slow through the snow on 5th Avenue
And right now radio's all that we can hear
Now we ain't talk since we left, it's so over due
It's cold outside but between us it's worse in here

*The world slows down
But my heart beats fast right now
I know this is the part
Where the end starts

#I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers
I don't wanna try now
All that's left's goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you
I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here

Everyday, 7 takes of the same old scene
Seems we're bound by the laws of the same routine
Gotta talk to you now 'fore we go to sleep
But will we sleep once I tell you what's hurting me

*#

I know you'll ask me to hold on
And carry on like nothing's wrong
But there is no more time for lies
'Cause I see sunset in your eyes

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers
I don't wanna try now
All that's left's goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you

That I gotta do it,
I gotta do it,
I gotta do it
I hate this part
I gotta do it,
I gotta do it,
I gotta do it

I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take these tears
I hate this part right here

my lips like sugar, this candy got you sprung.

2009-06-21T01:45:00.003+08:00

im finally back last afternoon, ending my 4D3N comm camp 5!
i had my super late lunch & slept right away,
then i was pulled out of bed for dinner,
which i then fell asleep right after again!
& the next time i opened my eyes, was already the next noon.
15hours++ of sleep.

ive been super lack of sleep in camp,
& group 3 is uber high,
i think im too olddddd, cant take it anymore.
HAHAHA.

but i must say, im super proud of group3 - cheng tng!
you guys are definitely the best people in camp (:
im sorry i couldnt be there most of the time, cos im always busy somewhere else.
but hopefully, i get to catch up with each & everyone of you very soon!
you know i love you :D

now, it's back to reality.
ASSIGNMENTS PERIOD.
oh boy.

you contradict.

2009-06-16T02:08:00.004+08:00

India Arie's Ready for Love

I am ready for love
Why are you hiding from me
I'd quickly give my freedom
To be held in your captivity

I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace
Lately I've been thinking
Maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for
Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow
I'll say the same thing

I am ready for love
Would you please lend me your ear?
I promise I won't complain
I just need you to acknowledge I am here

If you give me half a chance
I'll prove this to you
I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respect's the spirit world
And thinks with his heart

I am ready for love
If you'll take me in your hands
I will learn what you teach
And do the best that I can

I am ready for love
Here with an offering of
My voice
My Eyes
My soul
My mind

Tell me what is enough
To prove I am ready for love

I am ready

love me, like i do.

2009-06-10T18:57:00.006+08:00

have been really weary for the past 1 week.
so much going on, plus the crazy heat!
oh my.

photoshoot for collection one on monday,
everything went well i suppose.
if you're feeling bored & wish to have a good laugh,
photos' up on facebook yeah.
otherwise check out http://therubberducks.livejournal.com (:

oh yes,
almost forget to mention the great change in me! :D
peishan has decided to go green.
dont doubt me!
i was watching a documentary on history channel the other day,
the front of the ship gave way & it was leaking oil into the ocean,
so much of them, that it exploded.
i screamed, not thinking of how many people could die in there.
but instead, the marine life that will be destroyed from the stupid oil.
my mom thought i was going crazy.
LOL!

i've been addicted to watching most haunted.
first saw it on starhub ch18 i think,
but they were showing season 4.
so i youtubed to watch the rest (:
it's funny when the medium says stupid things,
he may be a real medium,
but there's definitely some lies among those truths.
derek acorah is just some good extra with minimal supernatural power.
david wells is love (:

one sad thing,
i think my singing standard is deteriorating like mad after being sick for so long.
this is so freaking upsetting.

last thing, camp!
i have no idea what am i to do, actually.
nothing specific was told to me.
so there aint much that im looking forward to,
just meeting my favorite people soon,
twinnie, my bacomm clique & maybe some lovely seniors!

once again,
I NEED TO SING, DANCE & MAHJONG.

keep the show going;

2009-06-05T23:54:00.007+08:00

don't exactly have something to post about,
but just to let my dearest friends know,
im alive!

well, good luck to all having their common tests from tomorrow onwards! (:
we'll go out when it's over & done with, okay?
PRESS ON!

have been busy with the new blogshop,
many things left unsettled but i feel lucky.
(:
so everyone out there, especially the laydees!

Collection ONE is out now ! (:

1. FREE normal postage.
2. Buy 2 or more items & get 10% off total bill!
3. June's Special - Refer a friend & get $2 off your next transaction!

it's all going on @ http://therubberducks.livejournal.com :D

(insert here.)

2009-05-30T00:21:00.003+08:00

& so i've just got home.
went for klavierensemble's concert in ngee ann polytechnic, lt26
(jeff, hazm, zijian, matherine, taolian, suern, qingfu, xingxian, nigel & huiying)
actually, was there to support the bacommers.
weixuan & nadia as hosts,
weijian as actor & guitarist,
dingren, choy & xinying as singers
:D

the entire performances were awesome !
long, but worth it (:

so then, some of us went to kap mac for dinner/supper.
but i couldnt eat anything near school as i was sick,
so i starve myself at mac,
& i will starve myself to bed later.

i really believe,
being sick is equivalent to being in a bad mood.
but i just dont get it,
why some people would choose to annoy you when they can see you're not in a good mood?
it's like the word "annoyed" is written all over your face,
& you tell the person to stop.
but he/she just continue being annoying & say in your face "why cant i do that? i just want to do it."
& dont tell me he/she does not know im annoyed,
i swear the person knows it well.
conclusion, the person hates you.
or the person is too dumb to be true.

& i wish you read my mind this time.

2009-05-20T21:01:00.006+08:00

i have been really tired these days,
& thus catching a flu as well.
not sure if im just physically or also mentally tired :/

i just want things to end.
while people are holding on their thoughts,
it's mentally tormenting me too,
but i guess they dont realise,
or they couldnt be bothered to realise.

dont ask me love,
i would be speechless at the moment.
my life has been so full of ups & downs these days,
& i wish someone would give me an answer.
ambiguous aint fun at all,
time for some good rest (:

----------------------------------

aLin - 今晚你想念的人是不是我 (Would you be missing me tonight)

是你找到了我在我的心中刻下了你的承诺
you found me, & carve a promise to my heart
难道你不遵守
are you not gonna make it come true
思念纠缠着我闭上眼我就忘了很你的理由
i missed you, & i cant bear to hate you
想起那些温柔
remembering how you showered me with care

你为什么放开我的双手
why did you let go
我试着体会生命充满各种苦衷
i tried to experience all the pains & bitterness in life

*我在黑暗之中寻找幸福的下落
im looking for the happiness in this darkness
等待原来那颗流星划过我天空
waiting for the shooting star across my sky
总要在说完再见以后才开始明白爱多浓
i would only realise how deep love is after bidding goodbye
今晚你想念的人是不是我
would you be missing me tonight

因为绝望所以学会祈求
disappointment teaches me to be more hopeful
我也不想让心痛对我予取予求
& i dont want to let the pain take over control

*

想要爱到最后的最后
i want to love you until the very end
想要和你再一次牵手
i want to hold your hand once again
除非我背叛我的灵魂
unless i could betray my soul
除非我可以假装快乐
unless i could feign my happiness
除非你忍心放我一个人难过
unless you could bear to let me suffer

**

我想念的人会不会懂
do the one i miss understand

things can only get better.

2009-05-17T12:45:00.002+08:00

& so another week has past.
well, at least to me,
this is already the end of the week.
sunday's like a rest day for me,
away from the streets, school & people.
a day of my own, where i can get more rest (:

charmaine & xuli surprised me in school on thursday,
bringing along their home made brownie :D
hardly get to meet my girls,
so it was a good opportunity!
(even though it was just for a couple of hours.)

i had to get home to get changed & prepared,
as i was back in school in the evening for school of engineering's singing competition,
which is called Souls of Entertainment.
oh yes, i was there as a judge.
the whole thing was cool, & many of them sang well,
but i thought they would have done better managing their time & people (:

& yesterday was BA_COMMunications Inauguration 2009!
i was there as a cold & antisocial loner,
HAHAHA.
okay, that was to the newbies,
but i think they were wondering what is this crazy girl doing there :/
& that's besides the point.

committee 09/10 & a few of us went to kap mac for very late lunch
(darren, nigel, matherine, joshua, edison, cordelia, hongwei, eugene, jeff, xingxian, qingfu, samanthaheng, boonchin, samanthathen, weixuan, jiaw, benjamin & some people i hope i didnt leave out)
while the rest decided to go home after the long morning,
some of us head to town for karaoke session (:
(jeff, xingxian, qingfu, boonchin, nigel & matherine)
which was short but we were crazily shouting most of the songs,
& that was really scary, to me.

met taolian after her work for "dinner"
(note: it was already past 10pm.)
boonchin & matherine headed home,
& the rest of us went to casuarina curry for prata.

it's been long since i was out of house for the entire day since morning to 12mn,
im transforming into a geek soon!
but DEFINITELY, not for facebook.
*big smile*

you.

2009-05-12T23:09:00.004+08:00

Clay Aiken - Not Suppose To Love You Anymore

We agreed that it was over,
now the lines have all been drawn,
the vows me made began to fade but now their gone.

Put your pictures in a shoe box,
and my gold ring in a drawer.
I'm not suppose to love you anymore.

Now Sherry says she's jealous of this freedom that I've found.
If she were me she would be out on the town, and she says she can't
imagine
what on earth I'm waiting for.
I'm not suppose to love you anymore.

Chorus:
Oh I shouldn't care, or wonder where, and how you are,
but I can't hide this hurt inside my broken heart.
I'm fighting back emotions that I've never fought before,
cause I'm not suppose to love you anymore.

Now I'm writing you this letter and it's killing me tonight,
that I agreed when you believed it wasn't right,
and I couldn't sleep up on the bed,
so I'm down here on the floor,
where I'm not suppose to love you anymore.

Repeat Chorus

I'm fighting back emotions that I've never fought before
cause I'm not suppose to love you anymore

----------------------------------------------------

i should, stop.
because you & i know we're going nowhere.

i went through the pictures,
& i saw me first,
then i would see you close by.
but i should just let it pass.

i thought it was all over,
until you're back again.
but then again,
you're never really there.

i heard you say,
but i wouldnt speak.
im too afraid to say anymore,
& your last words tore me apart.

L.O.V.E

2009-05-12T18:41:00.015+08:00

& here i am, back again (:
it has been a really busy weekend for me!

grandma & aunt came from malaysia on friday & stayed at my place
so i was busy being a host.
& they were here for one major reason,
andy, my brother's wedding :D

we woke up uber early on sunday morning for the tea ceremony,
i was glad the sky decided to stop pouring rain (:

so this is the lovely newly wed, andy & joelle.
& of course, my uber adorable grandmother! :D

the really gorgeous photos on the wall.
i must say,
they hired really great photographers!

& outfit number 2,
before they set off to joelle's house (:
note: I LIKE THE BED, IT'S REDDDD.

so we had a little time for a break,
while the couple gets busy once again.
& time flies,
it was the solemnisation session (i hope i get this right) @ marriott hotel.

we get to rest in one of marriott hotel's room,
while the others were doing their last minute preparation.

awww, how sweeeeet!
but the justice (whatever his name is) was really long winded, to me.
"love has no beginning & no end, it is forever."

& here comes the dinner :D
the setting for our VIP table is awesome!
the blue roses were so so pretty,
& it was there throughout the entire dinner.
we didnt have to help ourselves with the food, at all.
the food was served to us in our servings (:

the first walk down the aisle,
& cutting the cake.

now the second & final walk,
& champagne.
but it tastes pretty awful,
i couldnt bear to finish one glass.

now they are off on their honeymoon for an entire week,
grandma & aunt have also return to malaysia.
the house is oh so quiet, yet again.
(except the fact that im still around, HAHAHA.)

& i'll be waiting.

2009-05-08T12:19:00.002+08:00

i have been busy
& will continue to be.
so you might hardly get to see me on blog & msn.

i have no time for computer,
but i'll always have time for friends.
so, call/text me instead :D

you make me go lalala.

2009-05-05T09:45:00.002+08:00

random of the week:

peishan wants to get a girl group together,
be it a dance, a song, or both.

HAHAHAHA.

you know what i say.

2009-05-01T16:23:00.002+08:00

10 random thoughts:

1. I hope everyone I know is fine now, especially those that I don't get to see and/or talk to very often.

2. I'm in neeeeeed of mahjong & karaoke session.

3. I feel like taking up dance classes again, but my fatass is too lazy to budge.

4. I start missing people from the moment I part with them, so to conclude, I MISS EVERYONE ALL THE TIME!

5. I don't mind being fat, but I don't like my fat thighs. (miss contradiction as usual, yeah.)

6. I wish there are 48 hours a day, so I can sleep half the time.

7. I am not lying or trying to be humble when I say I can't sing or dance. I MEAN IT.

8. I love being ugly, (not so typical of a girl, i know.) because it scares superficial people away.

9. I want a movie marathon soon, at someone else's place.

10. My mom has moved, anyone needs facial, you know how to get me.

you would have perfect everything.

2009-05-01T16:01:00.004+08:00

HAPPY LABOUR DAY !
(okay, random.）

BA_COMMunications recruitment drive 2009 had finally ended !
it's a success, yay.
thank you COMMITTEE 09/10 (so this includes all the GLs as well)
you know i still love you all,
even though i could be anal, fierce, strict & whatever else.
this is a brand new start,
dont stop, keep going.
every little step adds up to a better & greater ba_comm (:

thanks to all who were there for me,
even strangers.
those who were there when i did my not so good singing,
im surprised.
especially the strangers (hopefully not anymore) whom i brought into ba_comm who were there to support.

ba_communications, spread the love.

you don't want to miss a thing!

2009-04-26T13:35:00.002+08:00

so it's the end of the first week of school.
& ive been really really busy,
staying in school until the night almost every day.
tomorrow will mark the start of an even more busy week!
& i hope ba_comm's recruitment drive can be a great big success,
(including my singing performances!)
for details, please check the advertisement above (:

went out with mr. shawn ting yesterday.
have been really long since i last saw him :D
watched taken @ the cathay, dinner @ taka,
& hung around orchard road (:
it's greeeeat catching up with OLD friends,
hahaha.
dearest, old is more man okay!

anyway, this goes out to all Ngee Ann Poly, School of Business & Accountancy students,
if you love singing, acting, hosting, talking, performing etc.
do look out for an advertisement probably coming thursday!
STAY TUNED...

you thought you know it all.

2009-04-20T14:09:00.001+08:00

my head's still a bit spinning,
& it's all because im having low blood pressure now :/
i havent been eating well either,
cos i get full really fast & wasted a big portion of my food.
oh crap.
(& this happens every meal.)

watched the sixth sense on channel 5, again.
it's a super old movie, but i still love it anyway (:
then, i cried, AGAIN.
yes, it's not scary at all,
on the other hand, it's kind of sad yet touching towards the end.

tears are not a sign of weakness,
it is just expressing emotions.
what kind of world would we be in,
if everyone decides to keep their emotions to themselves?

mom has decided to move shop,
which will mean i should save up more & spend less right now.
this is good practice though.
in case my dearest readers are wondering,
my mom does facial & slimming (:
& if you feel the need to have one of those sessions / any enquiries,
you know how to contact me! - msn, email, phone, facebook etc.

----------------------------

im over you (:
i had you removed from many many things.
thanks for all the wonderful memories,
that will stay with me for a very very long time.
i love you.

you are part of my world.

2009-04-18T16:35:00.004+08:00

school's starting in 2 days,
but i dont feel anything,
not just yet :/

people have been telling me that i seem less busy now
& that i have given my friends more of time.
im really happy to hear that,
cos friends are the next most important people after my parents (:

& here's my current timetable :D

i totally love it.
as i have the same module each day,
which will mean less efforts in many many ways.
yayyyy!

psst, but i wont be able to pon sales management lecture,
cos it's in between two classes :X

& i wonder who will i meet in this brand new class which i have selected alone again......

let's quit reading minds.

2009-04-16T22:41:00.003+08:00

i just feel like blogging,
but guess what,
i dont have much to say!

has been in school 3 days in a row (mon-wed)
assisting my dearest new ba_comm exco in their first event planning
recruitment drive is around the corner,
so support whenever possible (:

hopefully, & maybe not so hopeful about this,
i might be singing, again.
hahaha.

anyway, had been feeling unwell today.
i have totally no idea why,
but my head is spinning badly.
& i must say,
i have a bunch of really adorable, awesome, great friends,
thanks for asking people,
im fine because i have yoooou! :D

last thing,
im not in love with anyone,
at least, not that i know of right now.
it's not a thing worth mentioning,
but i'll just be me & you can let your thoughts run wild (:

BEIJING TRIP, filled with love.

2009-04-13T19:46:00.019+08:00

all right, all right
finally, the long awaited post has come!
i have so much to say, but i have no idea where to start.
oh boy.
i'll keep things short & sweet,
& just put some random photos to remind myself what it was like (:

random note:
qingming festival in malaysia was a one of a kind experience!
people are putting off firecrackers at the graveyard in the day
that's like really awesome.

so here i am,
everything in beijing is like so so so cheeeeap,
that the girls were shopping like MAD most of the time.
& the food in general is disgusting,
dont ask me why.

DAY ONE:
it's kind of boring, cos everyone is in their own clique
& it was just plain boring shopping at orchard similar places.
(a free & easy day, oh well.)
so it's all so high end that we couldnt be bothered to walk around :/
food experience was bad, real bad.
& did i mention, cab fare was cheap like crazy,
it's cheaper than bus rides in singapore at times!

DAY TWO:
industrial park visit, i dont have to describe further, do i?
but lunch was awesome, we had 8-10 dishes in this restaurant,
the guys can really eat like uber loads.
i think it's just plain chinese habits to serve their guests with tons of dishes,
cos we had that for dinner as well,
this is maaaaad.
but it was nice of them to celebrate birthdays for our people during the trip (:

& did i mention, the people were freaking crazy to bring us to this antique plaza for shopping!
like hello, what do you expect us to buy there?!
then we wanted to visit a bar or something at night,
but the chinese were touting like nobody's business
& we decided to leave.

<

DAY THREE:
had 2 lectures in the day, reeeeally fundamentals & boring,
things that i already know.
olympic bird nest & water cube visits - the places were cool (:
we even saw kristy chung there!
& dinner at this beef steamboat restaurant with a new bunch of friends,
simply LOVE it!

then the guys had full body massage while the girls had foot reflexology,
everyone was tired & listless after the entire thing,
i guess it didnt leave us a good impression, especially the girls.
nevermind the guys, i think they enjoyed it A LOT!

DAY FOUR:
went up to tianjin for some cultural visits,
leo climbed over the fence & sat in one of the rooms,
my gosh.
the travelling was really long!
feels like i've wasted an entire day travelling to & fro :/
pizza hut for dinner, it was more awesome than singapore's.
this was the day i start loving my people more,
like really really more (:

DAY FIVE:
another day of cultural visits at the palace,
the places were like big, huge, gigantic, enormous & the list goes on...
my legs hurt so badly that they feel like they're no longer mine.
& the sun was like so large & bright,
i hate getting tan ):

had peking duck at this really expensive restaurant,
which sucked so badly.
i almost puked out all those horrible disgusting things,
ew.
& they tasted fried scorpions for dessert, hahaha.
karaoke session near hostel, it was all right,
but we didnt have much time.

DAY SIX:
climbed the great wall of china,
& asthma almost got into my way.
rosti at the hotel restaurant near great wall was superb,
as kiasu singaporeans, we ate half of the tray!
(fyi, it was a buffet.)
the guys bought lots of stuffs from this shopping mall which sold all fake branded goods,
they bargained like mad & i think they acted really well (:

this was the day i cried, twice.
& im sorry richard & kwok siang if i totally scared you.
it wasnt really their faults that i did, but they somehow triggered it.
the truth was, low self esteem.

i felt like i had let my friends down,
it could have be more fun without me,
because im not like any normal healthy kid.
i was never one to begin with,
& i really really wanted to be like everyone else.
so i was really disappointed with myself for the day,
then the guys did stupid things that made me feel bad,
& then it just happen.

DAY SEVEN:
the start of company visits, plain boring things that are not worth mentioning.
& we even visited a temple because the lecturers didnt have plans for us that afternoon,
but didnt want to release us ):
in the night, we went to a bar with phillipina band,
they were awesome as they sang r&b songs that we asked for (:

but this was the day when the combo of kwok siang, chong huan & me started.
they are so super hilarious in all the cab rides,
doing stupid stuffs & saying random words.
shall not mention all those obscene nonsensical things they did,
but i almost died laughing, seriously.

DAY EIGHT:
company visits, yet again.
combo continued at another shopping mall during our lunch break.
we disturbed so many chinese in the mall because we were so bored from shopping at that place.

kaichin, the mastermind of pranks, decided to squeeze moisturiser & toothpaste on junjie & alicia when they were sleeping.
luckily i was wide awake, heh.

DAY NINE:
company visits, the last!
& the talk was so boring to the max, that i fell asleep.
clement, richard & kaichin were so mean to be laughing at me all the way back to singapore,
just because i stepped into mud.
then why not laugh at jonathan when he stepped into the unknown pool of substance,
which could have contained all the most disgusting liquids you could imagine =X

for the last time, we went back to the beef steamboat restaurant as a whole for our last dinner together in beijing (:
we wanted to stay up the entire night,
but kwok siang suggested a 5 minutes nap, which became an hour or so sleep for everyone!

DAY TEN:
returning to singapore,
that was when i started missing beijing already! ):

im glad i got to be on this study trip with all the wonderful people :D
(alicia, pingting, richard, leonardi, kwoksiang, kaichin, junjie, jonathan, clement, janice, tingting, ruizhang, chonghuan & sheryl)
all the crazy stuffs we did there, that we would not experience in singapore at all.
hugs & kisses, especially to alicia, pingting & kwoksiang!
thanks for helping me in every way you can, i love you people to bits.

this is not the end, it's a new beginning (:

you can run, but you cannot hide.

2009-04-11T10:11:00.002+08:00

im back in singapore,
home sweet home (:
but im still not used to everything,
& i missed beijing already.

it's not so much of the place,
but the people.
we hung out so much together for the past 10 days!
i'll blog about it soon,
hopefully when im free & energised to do so.

you can start dating me once again already :D

you know you miss me.

2009-03-30T23:13:00.002+08:00

had early birthday dinner for my dad,
went all the way to changi village's thai pan.
food was aight,
it was horrible when the creatures were staring at us while we were eating seafood though.

leaving for beijing in approximately 24 hours time,
& will only be back on 10th apr, friday afternoon.
i hope everything goes well (:
& i dont think i'll be blogging like tomorrow,
this shall be the last post before taking off.

happy birthday to my mom & dad in advance,
& not forgetting all my friends whose birthdays fall on the coming week.
i'll be back!

so it's
goodbye singapore & hello beijing!

there's nothing else if there's no you.

2009-03-29T16:27:00.002+08:00

& so i came back early from malaysia.
but there's still so much to prepare for beijing's study trip,
oh boy.
i dont feel well at the moment :/

im gonna miss 2 weeks of american idol,
luckily i get to record!
& im glad american idol heed my advice,
that they had a MOTOWN WEEK :D

results show was fabulous,
smokey robinson & stevie wonder.
OMGGGGGG!
i was so touched that i have to cry at every song they sang,
maybe, my past life was someone in the motown.
& im glad michael sarver is out,
cos he totally ruin my all time favourite - the temptation's aint too proud to beg.

2 more days to beijing trip,
& i feel drunk currently.

i dont know, do you?

2009-03-27T01:09:00.004+08:00

& so, i get busy again.

met up the girls @ jolene's place on wednesday again,
(xuli, jolene, charmaine & also jaffa - did i get it right?)
settled the MAJOR stuff before heading to have a late roti prata lunch.
i like simple things,
thats all thats needed with lovely people around (:
catch up soon, all right?

then supposedly an exco gathering @ plaza singapura, manhattan fish market hours ago.
(darren, fabian, hongwei, qingfu, jeff, nigel, matherine & huiying)
i think this batch of bacommers cant survive without poker cards, tsk.
then we stoned, did nothing, talked rubbish @ clarke quay,
before xingxian met us & they head off to drink.

& im home, getting ready for my malaysia's trip after a good night's sleep.
port dickson & kuala lumpur, here i come!
so, i wont be available until probably sunday night.
goodbye singapore & hello malaysia :D

don't let things just pass you by.

2009-03-25T02:03:00.003+08:00

celebrated shunli's belated birthday today (:
had japanese buffet dinner @ kuishin-bo, suntec city
im glad almost everyone that should be there was there.
xuli, charmaine, jolene, shunli, leonardi, guankai, guanyu, nicholas & zean
the missing 3 were bala, livia & jerrold ):

i miss those days when we could hang out super often
& talk about anything in the world,
even if it's all nonsense.
but today's absolutely great,
it was the catch up time we all didnt have for a longggg time.

i could almost agree that each & every one of us had changed a lot,
but what i love about these people is that we respect these changes
& could stay good friends no matter what.

i mean, for example:
this person suddenly has this particular behavior you probably wouldnt like & make friends with much if this person is a stranger to you,
as compared to when this person is already your good friend.
but hey, im not saying that anyone of them has got anything that irks me okay.

how often do you get to meet such people?

love is a funny thing.

2009-03-24T00:10:00.002+08:00

i just feel like blogging,
but i have nothing much to say actually.
not all in a good mood anyway :/

well, one thing that i need to clarify.
i am NOT attached,
not even close okay.
there's no brave soul out there that i know of,
& that's one big requirement as my boyfriend (:

so it's 7 days away from beijing trip,
i dont know what to feel.
is there anyone out there i could look forward to hang out with?
well, you decide.

there's just no you & me.

2009-03-19T04:05:00.002+08:00

just heard someone i know singing this song,
that was the story of you & me, wasn't it?

Jay Chow's Tui Hou

天空灰得像哭过
the sky is crying like i do
离开你以后并没有更自由
i couldnt break free even after you left
酸酸的空气嗅出我们的距离
& i know that we're drifting apart
一幕锥心的结局像呼吸般无法停息
the end of us, my heart broke & i couldnt breathe

抽屉泛黄的日记
the old diary
榨干了回忆那笑容是夏季
brought back many memories from the summer
你我的过去被顺时针的忘记
the story of us became history
缺氧过后的爱情粗心的眼泪是多余
the love that wouldnt last, tears become worthless

*我知道你我都没有错只是忘了怎么退后
i know both of us are not at fault, it's just that we forgot to look back
信誓旦旦给了承诺却被时间扑了空
the promises become broken
我知道我们都没有错只是放手会比较好过
i know both of us are not at fault, it's just that we're better apart
最美的爱情回忆里待续
let the happiest moments be kept in our memories

i hope you see this.

i turn around, & nobody's there.

2009-03-16T16:02:00.002+08:00

oh well,
im not feeling really well emotionally.
all the negative feelings are growing inside me,
bored, unhappy, tired, blue & definitely left out.
i know it & im trying to fight it.

i have been doing too much for people,
& i might be getting exhausted,
because after all, i have to walk the path alone.

but im gonna warn you,
this aint being emo, not even a bit.
im just being true to myself,
i just wanna be me.

you're my contradiction.

2009-03-15T23:31:00.003+08:00

didnt have time for blog,
since i was out every single day.

so friday,
i went to school to hold interviews for potential exco of BA_COMM 09/10.
okay, that makes me sound old,
now that im going on year 3.

well, i ended early so i headed to meet leo, bala & xuli to get our masks @ bugis,
guankai made us wait so long cos he said he was gonna come down,
but eventually, DID NOT.
then we had to cab down to estate bar @ aroozoo lane when most of us were famished.
met guankai, guanyu, liying, michelle & shiya there as well.
the event was aight, but xuli had to leave ):
fortunately, i had dearest leo & bala if not i might have be stoning my time away or i dont know what.
so everything after that was a huge mess,
you can ask me why.

i reached home feeling nauseous & my head spinning,
but i could actually be stable enough to wash up before heading to bed.
& the worst thing,
I HAD TO WAKE UP FREAKING EARLY THE NEXT DAY.

which i did,
on my own,
without the alarm clock,
to head back to school for more interviews :/
so i was totally knocked out after heading home for dinner,
exhausted to the max.

so i guess you know how i spent my pathetic sunday as well,
IN SCHOOL.
it's not the people who are dreadful, definitely not.
just the long process is ugh.
& im having another 2 full days of workshop in school for monday & tuesday.
i need someone to kill my boredom, seriously.
so do text me if you're freeeeee! :D

& it's another chapter

2009-03-13T00:50:00.004+08:00

so, i was out for the past 2 days,
& i guess will be out for the coming whole week as well.

met cheeping for lunch, slumdog millionaire & catching up @ vivo city,
after not meeting for ALMOST 2 years now.
& i was down with sinus on that very day,
all thanks to his big fat mouth that cursed me!
& it was gone the very next day,
it's definitely you la.

so met up with xuli, bala, leo & then zean @ bugis
supposedly to get our masks for the masquerade party tomorrow,
but many many many incidents happened,
as xuli left while guankai, guanyu & nicholas came.
so things had to be postponed to tomorrow,
the super duper uber busy tomorrow.
THANKS UH, THE GUANS.

&, i hate IT shows.

say that you love me

2009-03-10T02:06:00.004+08:00

ive been feeling a lot a lot a lot happier these days (:

with work loads decreasing, (though still present)
& meetups with loved ones
thats all it takes to make me happy.

lack of sleep & food
makes me super grouchy & unhappy.
but it no longer does,
at least not for now.
i can reach home feeling super tired but yet really happy.

then i look at my labels for all my blog posts,
i actually had more "(:" posts as compared to "):" posts.
but how come people think im negative & emo?
emotional is not equivalent to emo.

many times i think people tend to neglect my happy moments,
instead, enlarge & exaggerate my unhappy moments.
so who actually made me emo?
i guess now you know.

little note:
my next boyfriend have to be someone that can keep smiling, laughing & happy.

i love you guys, A LOT.

2009-03-06T01:40:00.003+08:00

& once again, just reached home from a day of fun-ness :D

met up with bacommers in the day for ktv session @ cash studio, orchard
(qingfu, jeff, chuhao, xingxian & weixuan)
we were almost never singing the songs, but shouting the songs,
everyone just went crazy, mad, berserk, hyper & everything wild.

then chuhao left & derek came to join us for dinner @ burger king
total crapness moments when you listen to them talk their craps
& you just sit there laughing your way through.

guankai then called me to hang out
so leo came once again to fetch me, together with guankai & guanyu (:
we went fishing? prawning? i dont know what you called that already.
we were basically fishing for really weird looking prawns & crayfish,
& I GOT THE FIRST ONE.
it wasnt large & many, but i think we did pretty well.
had supper @ prata house before coming back home :D

so who say there's only fun when girls hang out together?

:D

2009-03-03T01:33:00.004+08:00

just arrived back home from a short meetup with the guys :D
love 'em!

well nick called me for dinner earlier but i had it all planned,
so later on in the night, the guys called me for dessert instead.
& leonardi fetch me in a car, together with guankai, guanyu & nicholas (:

i would say not smooth rides but definitely not those uncomfortable ones luh.
cos i have sat in so many cars, & i must admit that the rides from some, made me so nauseous.
so, leo you somehow passed,
but you are super dangerous please.
HAHAHA.

went to ice cube @ serangoon gardens for ice cream.
i am not gonna let myself fall sick, (though my throat is really itching now)
after eating a totally chocolatey icecream,
having leo & nick coughing & spread the germs in the car,
& guankai keep cursing me about getting a bad throat soon!

then we drove off to punggol park to talk crap
as usual.
the good old times (:
aye, if you guys were to disappear when you're attached
then dont get a girlfriend too soon !
HEH.

sunshine over the rain (:

2009-02-28T18:26:00.004+08:00

went for lunch with xuli & bala @ pastamania, j8(:
havent been so crazily happy for a very very long time.
then we shopped around before heading to library,
& its not boring like you would think it will be.
anything is great, with great company :D

bala is totally full of crap,
totally have stomach cramps from laughing
about the conversations among the 3 of us.
we're just ridiculously stupid,
in a good way (:

then we head to look for jolene at her workplace @ amkhub
i cant believe how long we stood there talking rubbish,
the staff there must be thinking shes not working.
HAHAH.

--------------------------------------

anyway, a song for a friend:

Danity Kane's Poetry

When I stand in a crowded room
I feel alone like nobody's there
And when u speak so cold to me
I can see your breath in the air
It's taking it's toll on me
In the bathroom taking showers
So u don't see me cry
Baby it's such a crime

I've tried to feel confident
I'm bitter, you're not making sense
I missed you till you almost took
My sanity, I'm starting a new verse

*You're like poetry
Hiding behind the words you speak
Changing the words of the story
You say you don't love me
Then say that you love me
I'm fighting

You're hiding behind the words
You're speaking
Changing the words
I'm lost in the verse
You say you don't love me
Then say that you love me
Why are you hiding?

When I give you gratitude
You act like you don't hear me speak
And when I tell you what you do to me
You don't even hear the truth
What are you trying to prove?
I stare out the window for hours
Cause you won't listen to me
You won't even look in my eyes

I've tried to feel confident
I'm bitter, you're not making sense
I missed you till you almost took
My sanity, I'm starting a new verse

Repeat *

Don't believe what you're saying
I read your face and I'm blanking
Cause I don't know what's in front of my face
I try to feel confident

Repeat *

hello, life.

2009-02-27T21:00:00.002+08:00

i have not blogged for a week or so!
oh boy, the papers for semester 4 are finally over.
im feeling sleepy at the moment,
but people, ask me out ANYTIME.
im totally ready :DDDD

besides going out like mad,
i still have exco's final thing to do for the year.
SELECTION OF NEW EXCO.
ba_commers who see this, *grins*
HAHAHAH.

oh, & 1 more thing,
i am going to beijing for a study trip from 1st apr to the 10th.
but the thing is, im going alone.
yes, im going with my batch & all,
but people i know are ALL guys.
& they are not THAT nice to be watching out for me,
be there for me & stuffs like that.
so basically, i'll be on my own.
dont question me why things turn out this way,
im sure you have the answer.

beijing will be independence week.
& being a history student, im looking forward to structures, palace & all the history related stuffs.
i can totally see how bored my friends would be.
this is something i can never get enough of (:

last thing,
no apologising okay?
as i always say, it's only to make yourself feel better after hurting someone else.
so im not such a nice person to do anyone this favour.

2009-02-18T08:32:00.003+08:00

im really upset at the moment,
but i cant stop & keep thinking about things.
exams are just 2 days away,
i need to keep going, i have to press on until it's over.
so im only giving myself a blogpost worthy of time.

whatever that has happened,
just make me see a little better what was the relationship between me & some friends,
was i ever a little important & in what sense.
& im feeling like a life buoy,
but rights do you have to make use of me.
who in the world do you think you are,
to use me & back off leaving me in this shite after you're done with.

the dumbest of all is,
i actually see this coming.
ive always been a psychic in bad stuffs,
& you got me spot on.
so please, reflect on who you are.
& the last thing i want to hear is "sorry".
in this present world, it has no meaning of apologetic anymore.
most of the "sorry" ive heard, were all to make yourself feel better after hurting someone
& not to make whoever you've hurt feel better.
what has this world become?

well, i see this as a good thing.
because now i see you better, your place in my future.
you're not gonna be there.

i'll stand by you.

2009-02-15T15:51:00.002+08:00

i realised how long i havent been talking to many many people around,
people that almost vanished from my life.
& i wasnt there to celebrate the triump with them either,
yeah, a bad friend i am.

then you wonder how long have i actually not spoken to these people,
it's been so long that i couldnt recognise them anymore.
& some of them have become stars lately,
but i shant mention names here,
you'll know who im talking about if you have been visiting my links (:

i just wanna know my friends to know,
that im proud of you for every teeny weeny bit of achievements you have.
& you're never forgotten, even to those i may have lost contact with on this journey in life.
you have my support, no matter what you do :D

i hope you found your love.

2009-02-15T11:02:00.003+08:00

little note:
the little things you do is everything,
& they are more than anything said,
for that smile,
thank you.

----------------------------------------------------

didnt get to say happy valentine's day yesterday,
but i guess most of you must have dumped your mugging aside,
& went off to have some fun (:
well, at least i hope you did.

it's a day of love,
so i would be happy if everyone else is happy!
cause you know i love you all.
so i hope my exboyfriends had got their new loves,
my friends who are in love to stay ever happy,
my friends who arent, to find their true love really soon,
& friends who just broken up, to start afresh :D

so anyway,
this will be the most secretive valentine's day i ever have.
even for those who had been asking what i would be up to this special day,
but i didnt lie okay,
i was revising in the DAY.

so i guess the fun times are over,
& it's back to the books!
press on everyone,
12 days to freedom (: